How to write a message you'll never send

1. Start with the name

Write only the first name of the person you're writing to. Leaving the surname out protects their privacy and yours, and it's one of our community rules. Often, seeing the name on its own is enough to bring the first sentence with it.

2. Pick one moment, not the whole story

You don't need to explain the entire relationship. Choose one moment: the last conversation, the day you met, the thing you wish you had done differently. Small details make a message feel true: the song in the car, the bench you sat on, what you didn't say at the bus station.

3. Find the sentence you've been avoiding

Most unsent messages have one sentence at their centre. I'm sorry. I miss you. Thank you. I loved you. I still do. Find yours and say it plainly. You can soften everything around it, but leave that sentence exactly as it is.

4. Choose a colour

Every message on Të Pathënat has a colour chosen by its writer. There's no key and no rule: it's simply the colour you connect with that person or that time — their favourite jacket, a summer, a mood. Readers can search messages by colour, so your choice also decides where your message will be found. We wrote more about this in What colour is your person?

5. Keep it safe

Don't include surnames, phone numbers, addresses, usernames or anything that could identify someone. Leave out insults and vulgar language; messages that break the rules aren't published. And remember that published messages are public: anyone can read them, and they may be shared.

6. Read it once, then let it go

Read your message one more time before you send it. If it says what you meant, send it. It can take a while to appear while it's being checked. In the meantime, read what others have written — you might find a message that sounds as if it were written for you.

Ready? Write your message.